Music takes the pain away

1/26/08

NO SALE!

Dear Gateway salespeople,

If the first words out of my mouth are, "I'm just browsing," please, for the love of God and everything else that is holy, don't try to sell me anything.

Sincerely,
A new Dell customer, and an Apple devotee

1/24/08

A Letter to Ben & Jerry's

Dear Ben & Jerry's

Stop making new flavors that are delicious enough to make a man tear down the Great Wall in order to get some. Case in point, Vermonty Python.

Sincerely,
My gut

Frustrations and decisions

1) this week we barely covered new material in school

2) Kucinich just dropped out. Now who am I supposed to vote for?

1/21/08

The only atlas you'll ever need

Animaniacs f-ing ruled:


1/18/08

Archetypes are real, but not all of them evil

My first week of being back in college is over. See if you can match which professor's archetype goes with which class?

  1. Film student with a political agenda
  2. Space Cadet with a PhD
  3. Nerd
  4. Middle-aged woman baffled by technology

  1. Biology
  2. Theater
  3. English
  4. Math
(first list/second list: 1/3, 2/1, 3/4, 4/2)

not sure as to whether I like my classes, but when they're on topic, the profs know their shit. Even when they're not, they're 4 great character studies.

1/10/08

Nerd card refilled

The validity of my nerd card has been discussed before (see here)

However, I had recently started to think that my failure to have seen the movie Tron forced me to think that I'm not as big of a nerd that I thought I was.

Then I had this conversation at my temp job yesterday:

ME: I feel like such a nerd. I just got my textbooks and I started reading them when I got home.

Female Coworker: That's not so bad, I mean, if it's something you're interested in, that's understandable.

ME: I was reading my math book.

FC: (laughing) Oh, that IS bad.

Tron can wait.

----------------
Now playing: Bitchin Camaro - Dead Milkmen
via FoxyTunes

1/8/08

Unnecessary

Dear Comcast:

Thanks for promoting the butchering of an acre of trees just so you can send me a bill for $0.14.

Fuck you very much,
Me

1/3/08

Comedy Central copyrighted what I wanted to call this

Well, it’s finally here. Caucus day. The day that candidates, pundits, and the people who make really awesome media graphics have been salivating for. Voters have also been waiting for it, only because we realize that the day when politicians “shut the fuck up” will never arrive.

It was not that long ago that the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) put out “A Call to Civic Responsibility” and I can tell you, after having read it, it’s pretty entertaining, especially the part about eternal souls being at risk. It is also, surprisingly enough, not an endorsement of any one candidate or party. Yep, they were telling the truth about that. It was more of a guidebook stressing using your conscience and reasoning skills (predominantly the “lesser of two evils” kind) to come to a decision. Unfortunately, some decisions may result in fiery death and eternal damnation (see: eternal souls).

I read in the hopes that it would provide an endorsement to anyone. Let’s face it, whether you’re a Republican (not me) or a Democrat (me) or an independent (blow me), this election is bat-shit crazy (If Kucinich wins the nomination, “Bat-shit crazy” should be his campaign slogan). The amount of choices alone is enough to make a person cry, and after I did, I decided to treat this “Call” as if it actually were instructions on who to vote for.

Then I realized how many issues are on the table, and I cried again. Buckets.

In an attempt to figure out just which candidate (I’m not pluralizing that. Seriously, having even the singular in there is pretty optimistic as to the results of this endeavor) best fits the USCCB’s guidelines, I decided to take a look at how the candidates feel about the issues, see if they agree with the Church, and be snarky if they don’t jibe (I’ll try to be really dickish if their respective positions are just plain stupid).

So, let’s take a look at the issues and where folks stand.

First up is healthcare, which the Church believes should be universal and palliative. Two big points there. Give everyone health insurance and if they need to smoke a bowl to deal with chemo, go right ahead. The Church also believes that the government should take care of people who are sick. In general, Republicans aren’t fond of those darn feds messing with everything, and Medicare/Medicaid should be done away with. However, Romney believes more responsibility should go to the state governments. In that respect he’s somewhat similar to Governor Richardson, who thinks states should take more responsibility with Medicare. Democrats are pretty much pro-universal health care and that the government can pay for some, if not all of it. As far as medical marijuana is concerned, the only Republican who’s in favor of it? Again, Romney.

Catholics are opposed to war unless it is the very last resort. The Church also thinks that that nuclear disarmament (including our own) is a pretty good idea. Rudy has repeatedly said that he’s all for pre-emptive strikes and use nukes if he feels they’re needed. Huckabee supports the Bush administrations actions in Iraq. Do I really need to tell you what Thompson’s position is? Ron Paul is opposed to the war and thinks it was not justified, but he thinks we should be total isolationists which is just plain nutty.
Romney favored the invasion of Iraq, but he says he likes diplomacy too. I get in a similar dilemma whenever I decide whether my tea should or should not have milk in it.
Biden supported the war, but he regrets it, and he’d like it if China would reduce her nuclear arsenal. Clinton says that human rights are central to foreign policy, and she voted in support of the Iraq war, and she also regrets it. Edwards wants to help the economic development of third-world countries. He also voted for the war, and, once again, regrets it. Do I really need to tell you what Kucinich’s position is? Richardson favors the diplomatic path in regards to the Middle East and we should relax a little when Castro dies. Obama’s position is weird because he’s voted against and then for redeployment of troops in Iraq. He, like Clinton, values human rights as part of the whole foreign policy taco. Then again, his middle name is Hussein, so should we really listen to him?
I couldn’t find anything about reducing our own stockpile of WMDs

The USCCB says the Church is opposed to the death penalty. That’s understandable, considering how the faith got started. Only 2 of the candidates I’m looking at (Kucinich for the Democrats and Ron Paul for the Republicans) agree. And you thought Washington couldn’t agree on anything. To be fair, most candidates have said something along the lines of limiting its use (Biden and Clinton both voted to expand the list of crimes that you can be put to death for, so don’t piss on their lawns).

The Church is opposed to discrimination, except when it comes to same-sex marriages.
Here’s where the campaign goes into the fucking twilight zone. Paul, McCain, and Thompson are all opposed to same-sex marriages/unions but think it’s a matter best left to the states. Clinton favors civil unions (not marriage) but also thinks it should be left up to the states whether same-sex marriage is allowed. Edwards won’t say whether he wants to call it a union or a marriage, but same-sex couples should get benefits. Richardson voted for the Defense of Marriage Act, but (again) regretted is so much that he fought against it when the matter came up in his own state of New Mexico. Rudy, Obama, and Romney support civil unions, but for one reason or another, stop short of calling it marriage. Kucinich and Biden are the only ones who are truly used to the queers being here and want them to get married. Huckabee is just plain homophobic.

The Church teaches that we are stewards of God’s creation (Earth) and we should take care of it. Generally, everyone agrees with this (finally), although Thompson isn’t convinced that human actions have anything to do with Global Warming, which means he better not blame anybody when the spots on his giant head turn out to be tumors.

Abortion. Ahhh the big one. The head honcho, the big cheese, the…you get the idea. Biden makes a statement in regards to the real dilemma that Catholics (and really, anyone with a pulse) have to face when dealing with this issue:

"I’m a practicing Catholic, and it is the biggest dilemma for me in terms of comporting my religious and cultural views with my political responsibility."


Okay, most of us (the general public) don’t have political responsibilities, but we do have questions about what exactly is the greater good, which is something politics is supposed to gear us toward. The big question is what constitutes the beginning of life. Is it at conception or sometime after that? Some people (including those in the Church) believe the former; some believe the latter. Some of us, like me, haven’t made up their minds and would rather gather everyone around the fire and drink hot cocoa and sing folk songs. The not-so-much smaller question is what would happen if abortion were once again illegal. An even smaller question is; if all fetuses were brought to term, what would South Park have to talk about now?

So, how do our fearless candidates feel about this thing?

Biden’s against public funding and against late term abortions, but supports a woman’s right to choose based on privacy. Clinton is similar and advocates contraception and education. Edwards: “I believe in a woman’s right to choose, but I think this is an extraordinarily difficult issue for America. … I believe the government should not make these health-care decisions for women - I believe they should have the freedom to make them themselves.” Rudy personally opposes abortion but supports public funding for it. He’s against partial birth abortion. Huckabee’s position is a little confusing. He supports a Constitutional ban on abortions, yet he feels legislation should be left up to the states, which is exactly like saying, “I’m appalled at the mess in the break room, and to show you how much I care about a clean workspace, you’re going to clean it up, Johnson!”
Kucinich supports the right to choose, but he stresses reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies. McCain opposes abortion except in cases of rape and incest, and he also feels legislation should be left up to the states. Obama’s position pretty much mirrors Kucinich’s. Ron Paul is so much against abortion that he voted against family planning funding in the US and abroad in 2001. He’s against partial birth abortions unless the mother’s life is at stake. Richardson is pro-choice. Do I really need to give Romney’s position? Even with the coverage his change of mind has gotten? I don’t? Cool. Thompson opposes federal legislation or the Constitution banning abortion, yet he voted for banning partial birth abortions, yet he’s worked as a pro-choice lobbyist. I did all that in '95 and pulled a hammy.

So, in conclusion, thank God that USCCB did NOT give an endorsement to anyone, because, just based on these issues, they have no one to endorse.

you wanna check out all the candidates and the issues, you can go here